We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
