i just wanna soil my oats bro
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
