your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
