I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
