That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
