Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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