maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize