I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Actions speak louder than pants.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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