i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
