Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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