Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
