I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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