I think my vagina is haunted
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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