dude i'm inner monologue high
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
