i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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