i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
