you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize