Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
