he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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