Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I cannot find my penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
