but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
