Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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