it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
