I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
