Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
