So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
