The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
