been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
