I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
whose parrot is this?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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