We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
