The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
