...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
