just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
