she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
