Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
