The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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