I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
