the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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