i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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