Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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