I have demons in me.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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