he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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