Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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