My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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