What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
