I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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