Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
