i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
