i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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