Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
