Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
