So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
