Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
