oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize