I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
