I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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