The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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