Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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