i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize