even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
