My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
