First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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