it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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