Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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