I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
