I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
