are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize
