Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize