Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
