We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
