he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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